she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
