overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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