I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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