he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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