I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
