Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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