if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he was CRYING into my vagina
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
