I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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