Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
