The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
