he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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