Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
