You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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