Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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