Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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