Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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