Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
