no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were destined to go to rehab together
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
