in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
