It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drake has all the answers
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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