Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
