Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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