I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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