Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
