i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
