I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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