Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
