It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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