apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
