If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
