They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
