Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
