We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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