Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
