There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
