Welp...herpes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
