he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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