She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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