Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...