the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.