drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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