Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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