That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
