My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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