Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
