how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
