Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
