apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
