In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
