We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
