Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
