we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
