Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just took my morning after pill in the library
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
