We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
