I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
