i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
