2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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