im six kinds of drunk right now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
