the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
