Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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