enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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