Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
