Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
