Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
