so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize