Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
