I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
