I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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