I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
